His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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