There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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