Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
