I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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