Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
