Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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