Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
