apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
