i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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