he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
