My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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