and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
