Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
