Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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