What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
