he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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