Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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