Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
