he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
