just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
