My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
