my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
