BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
