Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
