if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
