seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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