do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
