I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
