So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
