he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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