ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
