OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
