that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
