Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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