So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
