operation have a gay friend backfired
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
