i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
