i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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