He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
