I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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