Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
