I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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