dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
