So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
