She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
