woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
