My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
