at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
