I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
