Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
