Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
