Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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