just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
